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| My conversion story updated spring of 2004For the 1st 30+ years of my life I had very little to do with organized religion. We celebrated santa clause and the easter bunny with gifts/food/family. From 12-20 I belonged to a Unitarian Universalist "church". The one I belonged to was pretty easy going - read from the GT (Greek Testament) but believed at most 1 g-d and j* was at most a guy who walked the earth with interesting stories to learn from. I was involved in a youth group. This group became involved in fund-raisers, taking care of the "church" buildings, and feeling like "members" of the church no matter our age. We also revived and "put together" the easter sunrise services. When I was 16 the minister told me it was time to become an official member of the "church". I resisted based on my not feeling sure there was a g-d and definitely not believing in j*. He said that wasn't important - what was important was being involved in one's community and working to make the world a better place starting with one's community. So I joined and attended on and off for a few more years until I moved away. From 20-30 I had nothing to do with religion. I would go to my family for xmas and easter. When I was 31 I met a Jewish man and Judaism at the same time. I fell in love with Friday night (candle-lighting, dinner, friends, singing) and Sukkot. Later I fell in love with the man who introduced me to Judaism and we are now married. But it was a long journey. I just realized today that it's been almost 6 years since I started this journey - and yet with the recent changes in my life it feels like yesterday. So I started studying and learning on my own, anything and everything I could get my hands on. Written from a variety of perspectives - reform, reconstructionist, conservative, orthodox, secular, and fictional. And then found a conservative rabbi to study with. He frequently ended up referring me to orthodox sources because at that time there were not conservative resources discussing the subjects. The first mitzvah I took on was tznius (modesty of dress) - it just felt right - like coming home, and just as importantly did not require that my boyfriend make any changes. We began regularly doing Shabbos dinner with his non-observant or even non-Jewish friends. And we began going to shul/synagogue every Shabbos and Yom tovim/holidays. After 14+ months of studying I was converted. Two months later we were married and moved to be closer to my husband's work. The conservative shul we joined in the new town had problems with us - my tznius and covering my hair was remarked on, the having all events be kosher was a problem, not being able to eat at our friends’ houses was a problem, our not driving on Shabbos and Yom Tov was a problem. I was still more observant than my husband at this time. At about the same time as these problems were becoming more pronounced Chabad began doing outreach in our town (10 months after the conservative conversion). The Chabad rabbi agreed to study with us weekly. We did this for about 8 months. My husband's level of observance was increasing a bit but it was slow going. We went to New York to meet the Av (head) Beit Din. He essentially said if I divorced my husband he'd convert me tomorrow - otherwise no conversion until my husband took on an observant lifestyle - specifically shomer kashrut (in and out of the house - at that time my husband ate non-kosher out of the house), shomer Shabbos (observing all the Shabbos laws - at that time my husband still drove to shul), tefillin daily, and agreement to keep Taharat Hamispacha (family purity) after the conversion and marriage. For three months I was in emotional and spiritual pain - my husband was "testing" out the lifestyle to see if he wanted to do it, we were the only observant family in town that we knew of, and I felt like I was drowning underwater with conversion being the only thing that could pull me up and let me breathe. After 3 months I told my husband "I can't take it anymore - either we are doing this or we are divorcing". He agreed to become orthopractic (practice per orthodox even if he still had/has theological problems). In December, we had my orthodox beit din in New York, my Chabad rabbi moved to town that day and couldn't be at my beit din, others from this group met up with us for a celebratory dinner. If you've followed so far - it was a 4-year journey from introduction to Judaism to completed conversion. I convinced my beit din that they should convert me even though I didn't have a community, because even though I wasn't a chabadnick, I was very involved with the Chabad outreach. We all figured that was enough of a community for me. Unfortunately the Chabad was 3 miles from our house and too far for me to walk regularly and not possible in bad weather. Kosher resources were at least a 20-45 minute drive. We still couldn't eat at friends’ houses. For a while we "ran" a Shabbos house and had from 1-12 guests on Shabbos and Yom Tov - which helped. But as they moved on to more observance and moved into or became involved in their own communities, we became alone on Shabbos. It is so hard to do Shabbos as a couple alone - it is even harder to do it alone by oneself - which I've had to do several times when my husband was out of town. The rabbi no longer met with us regularly because the conversion was over. He and his wife had several more children and between his day job, 3-5 children, trying to start up a Chabad house, they had less time for us. Then my husband lost his job and got a new job in another state (about a 4 hour drive from where we lived). He moved in with his mother while I was home alone to prepare the house for sale, meeting at strangers houses for Shabbos and yomin tovim while community/house-hunting, still no local kosher resources, occasionally home all alone for Shabbos. I can't tell you the difficulty it became to keep Shabbos or be kosher outside of the house. I was out more and more with friends and family just to get out of the house and not be alone. But with only 2 kosher restaurants in the state that I'd eat at - this meant I had tomatoes and cucumbers in many non-kosher restaurants making my life harder and harder - feeling more and more isolated and wondering - is it worth it. Then the move:) We sold our house. We found this wonderful community. Five orthodox shuls with the furthest being 1.2 miles away all inside an eruv. Three kosher restaurants in town. Frequent invites to houses for either Shabbos dinner or lunch. Classes during the day or at night - some just for women - some mixed. Many activities we can be involved in. I don't know how many local supermarkets carry kosher food including glatt meat and cholov yisrael products as well as the local kosher market (.2 of a mile from our apt.). The local rite aid has an entire aisle of kosher wines. Now I live an orthodox life. Its not a daily struggle with the basics. Its not "play" anymore. A couple of important things I learned. It’s easier to keep the mitzvot when one is first learning than it is after several years of doing it alone. A community makes a real difference - in daily life, in growth, in feeling as a Jew. That a convert really is held to a higher standard - anything I say or do is taken as a reflection of all converts - not fair but life. I think too many of us convert months or even years before we really are ready because we feel the "need" to be Jewish so desperately that we don’t want to wait. I think that all potential converts should have to live in a community for a year and become a real part of it prior to conversion. Not just move in and live there - but become a part of synagogue life, classes, social circles. Find out if they like observant Jews. Find out if they feel comfortable not just leading an orthodox lifestyle but spending large amounts of time with orthodox Jews - because we aren't always the easiest people to get along with. I hear from so many potential converts/converts - they are looking at me funny, no one talks to me, they can tell I'm a non-Jew/convert - when the truth is that we are so wrapped up in our world that we hardly notice newcomers - so newcomers have to introduce themselves to us, they have to ask for invites for meals/hospitality, and they have to grow a thick skin if they didn't already have one. Also the books give us this ideal picture of perfect people - and the truth is we are just as flawed as everyone else, we struggle to be better people/better Jews, sometimes we focus too much on the mitzvot between G-d-and-man and not enough on the mitzvot between men-and-men. This doesn't mean one shouldn't convert. I've never been so at peace emotionally and spiritually since I stepped out of that mikvah. But the journey doesn't end on the day of conversion - really it just begins. And without a community there are so many things you can't do - say kaddish for parents, hear the megilla, hear the shofar, share the joy and pain in living this lifestyle, find a mate, find kosher food, share Shabbos, and learn how things are really done versus the image we get from books. From here you can read my Personal Statement , my orthodox Beit Din experience, and my Gerus L'chumrah story.
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